PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 12, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The next meeting will be held as follows:
Dragons Watch, Felucca, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 10, 2013 – by Phoenix – Welcome to our new feature where Lady Elaina is will provide a solution for all your woes! Feel free to submit your own questions to receive impartial, sage-like advice.
Dear Elaina,
I have finally met my knight in shining armor. Unfortunately he is a little short in stature and a bit green.
Alright, he is a goblin. My parents have no trouble with their daughter, an elf, dating a goblin but I have not brought him home yet to meet my parents. We have been secretly meeting in the tree house behind the big tree in Yew.
The problem is, Mzog Giantslime has this problem of peeing whenever the moment hits him no matter where we might be, not just in the tree house. My parents have very ornate Elfin furniture some passed down from King Oberon, a frequent guest of my parents.
How do I stop him from doing this so that I can take him home to meet Mommy and Daddy?
– Troubled Elf
Dear Troubled Elf,
I can offer you a few suggestions being familiar with some of the dirtiest goblins myself. First, there is always an outside venue. A picnic perhaps where your can introduce him to your parents, and if he decides he must pee then you can always say he is just getting rid of the ants. Pray it does not rain on the day you have made these plans.
My second suggestion and I have found it always works is to take Mzog Giantslime up to the tree house and tie it in a knot, thus avoiding any embarrassing moments until after you have made the family introductions.
Finally, think twice about this relationship, imagine what your children will look like and can your really envision yourself eating snails, frog eyes and the casting off of slime? Even a gargoyle might be a bit more presentable than a goblin.
– Elaina
PaxLair Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 9, 2013 – by Ashlynn – February moves slowly and even the Sosarian Mushroom Holiday came and went without fanfare (mostly due to other excitement that evening). There are however several projects in the works including a library for the storage of esoteric materials. Meanwhile goblin breeding season seems to be in full swing as their numbers have increased once again. Let us hope a goblin plague doesn’t reverse the trend.
A new library is currently being constructed to house numerous works of esoterica and other magical knowledge that has accumulated over the years. The books will be stored in an organized fashion and may even include some material considered hidden or taboo (I may have an old book on corpse reanimation lying around somewhere).
A selection of runebooks is also a possibility as is the display of artifacts of an arcane nature. Submissions from others are welcome and the library will be open to all. Except for goblins that is but then they cannot read anyway.
And may I mention that I won? The race was held over a week ago with eight racers turning up to participate (sadly one fell asleep before the competition could begin proper). The course was predefined and took us on a circular route from Guardian’s Gate to Britain Crossroads, then around the mountains past Silvervale before crossing the swamp and and the finish line back where we began.
All types of mount were permitted and a grizzled mare was my choice though I was somewhat worried as she looked a little sick. There were of course prizes for first, second and third place.
The final results were:
This evening a Royal Guard supply caravan was dispatched to one of the gypsy camps located in the deserts of Ilshenar as per a previous agreement between a man called Jeriah and Commander Gwen. In exchange, an envoy from the gypsy folk would meet with the King and also provide useful maps and other information about the region.
The caravan made it’s way from Compassion moongate and past the old citadel where we found ourselves accosted by many bandits and other undesirable who had even constructed barricades on the bridges. Moving cautiously to assure the safety of the pack animals, we soon demolished the barricades and entered the village proper.
Inside Jeriah was nowhere to be found and it seemed a rather disinterested man with little knowledge of the agreement by the name of Sev had taken over. I must however state that I am not entirely sure the man is a gypsy or their leader and I suspect his motives are more sinister.
However lacking proof on the evening we had little choice but to relinquish to supplies and remind Sev of his obligations before leaving. Still I hope Commander Gwen will remain cautious as I forsee the man being a problem in the future.
A new auction house has opened founded by the guild KFC and located in the mountains of Malas. The auction runs from 8pm on saturday evenings (every other week I believe).
A few weeks ago many of us visited a blind fortune teller at the fabled Shrine of Companionship by the name of Emilia. For our troubled we were each rewarded with a crook and a torrent of abuse.
A scalis was summoned at Pitmuck some days ago. It was a battle that required much endurance but the creature was eventually vanquished.
Before the caravan was dispatched by the Royal Guard, several volunteers earned promotions for their hard work. Sadly, one of those includes Ozog.
A senior alchemist in the Royal Court urges all people to avoid consuming the beverage known as Love-in-Idleness. It is believed to be poisonous.
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 6, 2013 – by Winfield – The next meeting will be held as follows:
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 29, 2013 – by Winfield – The next meeting will be held as follows:
PaxLair Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 24, 2013 – by Ashlynn – It would seem I have not been myself lately, not at all. Ever since the anniversary day feast I have felt odd. I feel like there is a hole in my soul. I no longer have this overwhelming urge to murder a goblin when I see one and this is something that will need remedying.
To this end I ask my loyal readers out there to let me know if a potion of distilled goblin hate exists. I like the old me – it’s a better me. I’m sure most of you will agree!
The past few weeks have seen rapid developments regarding Elise (if that really is her name) the Assassin and her role in multiple murders and other conspiracies. The assassin had finally been tracked down and decided to make her stand in the ruined sunken village of Paws, blocking access as she fled inside.
Yesterday evening a force of guardsman and volunteers used specially prepared powder charges to blow their way in, before venturing inside in force. There were several skirmishes with the assassin but she was forced to make her final stand at the old wooden bridge. Opting not to attempt arrest, the militia instead attacked. With nowhere left to run, the assassin was finally slain, the artifact she carried recovered by the new Lieutenant serving under Commander Gwen.
Vulcan’s Emissary then appeared and asked if we would free her in exchange for her aid. Many seemed in agreement with this course of action but as it was discussed, the Emissary disappeared with a loud shriek and she was replaced by an incarnation of Vulcan’s vengeance which immediately attacked.
This creature too was also slain and it was decided that we should make haste back to Trinsic and report to the Commander. Once the debriefing was given, the Commander took custody of Elise’s remains and dismissed us all.
While the death of the assassin may suggest the saga is over, we still do not know the full extent of the conspiracy she was a part of. Elise’s madness seems to be relatively recent and it is possible she was merely sacrificed by whoever the true mastermind is behind events in order to throw us off the trail. And then there is the question of the Emissary. While freeing her may be the right thing to do instead of destroying the artifact, it may not be the most prudent.
Guardian’s Gate held a regatta yesterday evening despite the tumultuous events occurring in Paws. Sailors from across Britannia were invited to bring their ships and crews and compete in a race to and around Port Baldmor and back.
In the end four ships entered including one crewed by the goblins. I decided to tag along on the goblin ship in order to report on the events as they happened (although I mostly just lounged around on deck).
Sadly goblins make poor sailors and we managed to only take third place. Apparently there was some confusion over what things like the rigging did.
The final results were:
There have been many recent reports of strange lights in the forest just to the east of the City of Britain. While some claim it may just be unusual increased wisp activity, some residents have said the flickering they saw didn’t look like the wisp’s they remember.
Petrus, a patron of the Salty Dog Tavern had this to say:
“They keep tellin’ me I saws me a wisp but this light bes green, ain’t white like what them usually look like. An’ Clarabelle from up the road says one o’ ‘er sons got close ter ’em an’ fell ill. I’m tellin’ yer there’s somethin’ goin’ on the mages guild be coverin’ up.”
While I have not seen any such strange green orbs of light myself, the Mages Guild of Britain were unusually silent regarding the matter when I approached them for comment and this may suggest they know more then they are letting on.
“Nubby goes to malas, finds big mushrooms”
“Ashlynns finally likes goblins!”
“Falbala bees goos goblin friend!”
Ozog reports he received a message from Silvervale informing him that there will be another shipment of “stuff” for the Deli. There may be a potential trade agreement between Pitmuck and Silvervale in the near future.
Ozog also reports that he was promoted by Commander Gwen. I do believe there were several other promotions also.
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 22, 2013 – by Winfield – The next meeting will be held as follows:
PaxOku, Tokuno, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 20th, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The final day of the celebrations is the actual anniversary day, marking fifteen years of PaxLair and friends. Fifteen is quite an achievement especially when I consider what I was doing so long ago. In eons past. When dinosaurs still stalked the lands of Sosaria!
Well, perhaps not.
You Bet Your Life was unfortunately cancelled (a shame as I wished to bet Ozog’s life… or maybe not – I’m not sure anymore) so events began at 7pm with Deal of No Deal hosted by the fine folk of UORadio. Unfortunately I could not make it due to being harassed by some undead elsewhere but I believe a number did attend and had a great deal of fun.
The actual dinner was due to begin at 9pm but the previous event overran a little so it started late. Once everyone had arrived, food was soon served by the goblins. The menu had been drawn up by Icky Rotblossom (full details can be found in the previous article) and most of the food seemed to be well received.
I can only speculate however but I think they may have put something in my food… I have been feeling strange every since last night. I have this urge to take a goblin home as a pet. It is quite odd.
Anyway, the governor soon gave one of his famous speeches after which everyone else got to say a little something. I myself asked for more submissions to the Times (do not!) and I have already received a few which shall be posted tomorrow.
After dinner and socializing everyone retired to bed happy with what has been a fun and eventful week.
I look forward to seeing everyone next year at the 16th anniversary!
PaxLair Catering Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 19, 2013 – by Icky Rotblossom
The humble and virtuous goblins of Pitmuck Island have prepared this grand dinner in honor of the glorious City of PaxLair and its 15th anniversary!
Enjoy!
Xenrr’s Sushi:
Delicate morsels of raw mud puppy and thinly sliced turnips (juicy root maggots included). The scrumptious ingredients are nestled in a bed of rice and surrounded with dried seaweed harvested by goblins off the eastern coast of Pitmuck Island. Served with wasabi, its taste is unbeatable!
Pitmuck Deli Delight:
A golden goblet lovingly crafted by Luann Little, a filled with one of Pitmuck’s finest brews.
Barreraak’s Borscht:
Served cold, this savory soup recipe is a rare specialty consisting of exotic herbs and generous quantities of finely diced chunks of red herring. Gently simmered for six hours in underworld river water (with just a splash of fire ant goo) and then cooled for a day in a secret goblin “cabe” on Pitmuck Island, this outstanding dish can only be described as Yum!
Fruit Bowl:
Expertly tossed together by Icky Rotblossom. These cleverly preserved fruits can be saved for display as an attractive table decoration, or they may be eaten to experience an unusual effect.
[Not to worry… it doesn’t hurt!]
Lacerated Lamb:
Whole legs of lamb split in two. Marinated twelve hours in a mixture of year-old onion juice and ground ginger. Lavishly basted with fermented mushroom spores and essence of slime. A culinary masterpiece created in the kitchen of the Pitmuck Deli and guaranteed to send the fussiest of gourmets into fits of ecstasy.
Assorted Fresh Vegies:
Unbruised and without even a hint of mold. As the goblins say, “Dey bees goos fer yoos!”
Homemade Bread:
Lightly brushed with garlic-butter and sprinkled with finely ground bits of crunchy dried weevils.
Spicy Compost Cookies:
This cherished treat [from a carefully guarded secret goblin recipe] contains a variety of genuinely organic ingredients harvested from the Pitmuck compost barge. These aromatic delights, freshly baked over a dung fire, are sure to please even the most discriminating taste buds!
Note: Leftover cookie crumbs make a perfect substrate for mushroom farming.
Pitmuck Goblins Ice Creams Cake:
A Chesapeake favourite, originally inspired by Ozog GiantFart’s legendary ice creams recipe. This lovely concoction is composed of multiple layers of delectable goodness absolutely guaranteed to satisfy every Sosarian’s sweet-tooth!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO PAXLAIR!
May we meet again to enjoy the future celebrations, and, of course, more grand Goblin Dinners!
[Editors Note: I do wonder if Icky has been taking cooking tips from the Ogre Cook who lives in Wrong. Infact – the last time I was there I am sure I saw a few of these items on his menu…]
Dragons Watch, Felucca, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 19, 2013 – by Ashlynn – Yesterday I recieved the the final menu for the upcoming grand dinner held later this evening which will be published following this article. I hope all of you out there are feeling… adventurous. It is an interesting menu to say the least.
Our hosts yesterday were Dragons Watch and they had a couple of fun and exciting (and somewhat dangerous) events for us to participate in.
The task is simple. Enter Delucia Passage dungeon from the Delucia end, make your way to the City of the Dead. First one there receives 1000 points. The second 900, and so on. Oh but you’re not allowed to take any items besides what is in the starting chest (which was clothes and lanterns). And you’re not allowed to sneak. And you have to collect treasures from chests hidden inside along the way or you take a penalty to your score.
Ouch! It was indeed a dangerous journey. Not being able to sneak around made it difficult for me, as did the lack of reagents. Fortunately the powers of spellweaving have no such need to spell components and the powers of Gift of Life and Ethereal Voyage were very useful! But I still didn’t win – I just didn’t suffer the injuries others did.
The final results were:
One of the more creative games and one that made its debut last year, it has returned to both entertain and frustrate!
The rules are simple: The upper floor of the Lost Dragon Tavern is essentially one giant game board and the patrons are the pieces. Everyone takes a turn where Phoenix rolls and a dice and the person whose turn it is moves forward that many squares. Some squares contain teleporters which can take you further forward, or backwards, or TO THE STABLES (at which point you start again).
Three rounds were played. I know Nubby managed to steal victory from Niva during one game, and I think Lady Winmere won another. I am not sure who won the third!
Still it was a great game and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Once the game was finished, everyone proceeded to Guardians Gate for a really really long auction. They had a lot of items!
