PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 19, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The next meeting will be held as follows:
Silvervale, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 17, 2013 – by Ashlynn – It has come to my attention (well I was informed) that the good people of Silvervale will be hosting an Easter Extravaganza on the 28th of March!
Specifically there are two events on the night with the first beginning at 7pm EST.
From 7pm onwards it is said that an easter bunny or similar creature will be roaming the road between Britain and Yew on the facet of Felucca. The bunny is said to carry many valuables (as well as plenty of easter eggs I imagine) that would make quite a reward for any who can track and kill it!
So bunny hunters and would-be bandits should keep an eye out!
From 8pm onwards the good people of Silvervale will be summoning vorpal bunnies in the fields of Moonglow. This dextrous pests are said to run around with special coloured eggs that can be liberated from them.
Both events promise lots of fun so I hope to see you all there!
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 12, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The next meeting will be held as follows:
Dragons Watch, Felucca, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 12, 2013 – by Phoenix – As promised Elaina has taken the time to reply to questions posed by vexed citizens of the realm. And here those replies are!
Dear Elaina,
Looking for proper date places. being a goblin I am not romantic, but I do have a liking for a certain goblin gurly. Would it beees okie dokies to takes herz on a visit ob sum ob my favorite peeein stump? Fer a 1st date?
– goblin lookin fer lub,
After tracking down an interpreter, I believe I have found out what all this goblish gook is asking.
I am unaware that vile green creatures had favorite stumps, unless you are talking about artificial appendages. If indeed there are favorite stumps, then I suggest you spend some time investigating and follow this gurly around and locate her favorite peein stumps. It could be you both have that same stump and that is why you are so attracted to her, maybe it’s her scent, because I can not see why anyone else would take a liking to a goblins face. If you have seen one goblin I would think you have seen them all.
By the way you owe me 565,000 gold pieces, the cost of a goblin interpreter!
Dear Elaina,
How does I make proper pixie pie?
– Anonymous
Has the 1st of April beset upon me so quickly? This has got to be someone trying to pull my wig over my eyes.
Everyone in the realm should know by now how to make a proper pixie pie. If you don’t go into the abyss, follow the road to the Silver Sapling, stop and ask a pixie how to make a pie!
Dear Elaina,
I am a resident of the City of Umbra and have fallen for a paladin from the City of Luna. Unfortunately I’ve had some difficulty approaching the object of my desire and I have been told it is because I smell of corpses, amongst other things. What can I do?
– Distressed Umbraen Citizen
Dear Distressed,
Do not worry there is a quick solution to your problem. Send the object of your affection a note by pigeon, having him meet you at the luna stable. Never leave the stable and then keep wrinkling up your nose and say “Do you smell that?” You will have him smelling his own armpits, asking his friends if they smell anything and carrying some of the local ale splashing it on his own clothes.
After a few meetings in the local stable, go to the Papua, there is a reason it is called that the stench rising from the swamps. If you have ever met a Papuain you will understand. This paladin will be sweating so profusely ever time he meets you all the while thinking the stench is from his own body.
PaxLair Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 11, 2013 – by Ashlynn – Few know this but fungoids are amongst the largest creatures ever known. Some are greater in size than even dragons and the mighty Titans of Despise. Well until their recent eviction anyway. It is just we do not see it for they dwell mostly beneath the earth. All we see of their presence are the wonderful mushrooms that sprout from the soil. And then go into my soup.
Should these fungal colossals ever become sentient, I fear they would have little trouble overrunning Britannia. And they probably wouldn’t take too well to my consumption of them. Perhaps Exodus may have had more success if he had invested his efforts into mycological servants instead of clockwork ones.
After extensive investigation of Balandar’s research notes, the Royal Guard’s new Lieutenant found that Balandar was already aware of the location of Vulcan’s Lair and the guard was soon dispatched to secure the site a few weeks ago. Unfortunately some sort of barrier of fire prevented any further progress until a way could be found to overcome it.
Several days ago further study of Balandar’s turned up a spell that could be combined with an old artifact known as the Cryosphere (recovered from the ice cavern during the events of Poseidon’s Fury) that would change fire to ice and make passage beyond the barrier a possibility. Naturally such a thing would not be easy to achieve – the reagents were rare and hard to find. The materials listed in the notes were Arctic Dust, Icy Bloodmoss, and a Glacial Black Pearl.
The guard were soon supplied brief descriptions of the kinds of places they could be and then dispatched to retrieve the arcane components.
It did not take long though some of the areas were quite dangerous with terrible beasts or wicked ice spirits lurking nearby. As soon as the components were recovered, the guards returned to Balandar’s old house in Moonglow and gave the materials to Lieutenant Baelgard.
With everything needed now in his possession it is hoped that progress can now be made though I suspect many more dangers await for those on such an expedition.
Last week’s statehood meeting was held in a fungal palace – a mushroom paradise – in Ilshenar. Specifically it was held in a cave not far from Spirituality moongate where the scent of fungus is strong and where crystal clear waters flow. (I am told you can fish there too!)
In a change of protocol, I was asked to lead the meeting and it was decided at the end that each week someone else would lead as well as choose an appropriate venue. This will hopefully lead to us seeing more of Sosaria than we do of late!
This coming tuesday the meeting will be led by Scabby who may have plans to hold the meeting in a realm of goblins. Sadly.
I think this might be regarding things he has been up to of late. Who can ever really know?
Just over a week ago a large band of miscreants believed to be members of Scarlet’s gang (or at least associated with it) attempted to set her free from Trinsic Jail. Word was put about in the various inns and taverns of the land with a time and place whispered in the ears of those deemed criminal or immoral enough to be trusted. Which included me.
It must be said however that I am no criminal but I often rub shoulders with the less palatable members of society and hearing news of this meeting, I decided to go along inconspicuously and see for myself.
It seemed that Scarlet’s chief lackey had a plan – he had forged transfer orders for Scarlet and planned to steal two sets of Trinsic guard uniforms. Two people would then convince the chief jailer that Scarlet was to be transferred into their custody, at which point escape would merely involve leaving the city.
Unfortunately for the brigands, someone had tipped off the Chief Jailer Olof and he was immediately suspicious of the unknown guards. It also did not help matters that attempts to convince Olof of their authenticity were… less than impressive. The attempt failed and it was the fake guards that had to make their escape.
So thanks to an anonymous source and poor acting skills, Scarlet remains behind bars! Where I hope she rots!
Royal Guard volunteers Maintsorc and Shumer were both recently promoted to Sergeant and Private respectively. Others are believed to be up for promotion including Lady Phoenix.
A band of goblins not so recently clobbered a large Scalis just off the coast of Pitmuck Island. Sadly none of them were eaten.
Investigators being sought for the Royal Guard. Must have appropriate qualifications.
Raids against the spirit of Exodus in Ilshenar are ongoing. Check the general chatter and bring your own keys!
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 5, 2013 – by Winfield – The next meeting will be held as follows:
Shrine of Sobriety, Trammel, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 27, 2013 – by Ashlynn – Being one of Sosaria’s most eminent mycologists in my spare time (in addition to my full time duties as an ace reporter and goblin agitator) I am often asked to write scholarly materials for famous institutions such as the Lyceum of Moonglow or Empath Abbey.
My most recent endeavour has been something more down to earth that even the lay person can easily understand. To further general knowledge of mushrooms and where they can be found I have created a hunter’s field map. A guide to the typical species found throughout the realm with a brief description and an indication as to their location.
This map can be considered something of a companion to my previous article on mushrooms so the descriptions are not quite as detailed. Still they should suffice for all the apprentice mycologists out there.
I should also add that not every type of mushroom is listed. Missing are the Dreadhorn Tainted Mushroom (found within the Twisted Weald) and the Exploding Mushroom (which is so mysterious and odd that it will be treated to it’s own article in the future).
Also unlisted are the specimens reported in the “mushroom mystery”, a phenomenon observed by the perceptive Lady Winmere. These mushrooms may be of a completely different order, possess polymorphic traits, and will require more research.
Happy mushroom hunting!
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 19, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The next meeting will be held as follows:
PaxLair Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 23, 2013 – by Ashlynn – A young child stopped me in the street a few days ago and asked me a question about dragons. “If a red dragon and a white wyrm have a baby, what colour would it be?” I thought about the question for a moment concluding that obviously it would be pink, and then told the child to go away before I cut his heart out with a hairpin. The little brat promptly departed and I headed home.
But that brings up another question. Why have we never seen a pink dragon?
(In)Famous alchemist Lazulli has opened a Dye Shop at the recently refurbished Shrine of Sobriety yesterday. The range of buildings at the old shrine have been undergoing some modifications for the past few weeks with a restored block house being added to the existing monastic wing next to the tower. A nearby outbuilding has also been infested and modified by goblins which have proven hard to remove.
Lazulli is selling a wide range of dyes in all colours as well as white dye tubs and other dye-related merchandise.
There are also several dye tubs available for public use and all are welcome to make use of the tubs for their personal dying needs.
Two vicious spirits known as Harbingers attacked the town of Pitmuck a few days ago as a small crowd assembled beside the Pitmuck Deli. What motivated them to visit the island is unknown though some suspect strange yellow crystals may have played a part.
Despite the attack they were quickly dispatched though not without casualties. It would appear the blood of the creatures is a vicious yellow acid that eats through armour and weapons and many discovered this at great personal cost.
Although powerful it appeared the demons carried little of worth and injuries were the only reward for defending the infested island. Afterwards many decided to form a treasure hunting party although I believe other things soon got in the way.
It should be noted that harbinger attacks are increasingly rare in Sosaria and many speculate that the creature’s time has long past.
In the City of Zento mushrooms are highly regulated with only certain approved species being allowed for purchase and use in dishes. Many common brands of Britannia Mushrooms are illegal including the sweet tasting miniature mushroom of Heartwood.
Yesterday a large shipment of miniature mushrooms hidden inside crane statuettes were seized by a Zento magistrate and her band of doshin enforcers. Five smugglers were arrested and have been detained for questioning. My sources in the city tell me that the smugglers have already confessed and face possible execution for such blatant disrespect of Zento law.
A few weeks ago Guardian’s Gate held a competition to find the most skilled and resourceful animal tamers of Britannia. On offer was fame, fortune and the opportunity to tell a great story at the next social event.
There were several competitors and even more spectators for those not skilled in the arts of animal taming. The rules of the game were simple – Daria would name a random creature which the competitors would then need to find and return to the Taphouse. First one back would win the round.
Four rounds were held in total and the winners of each round were:
The hiryu turned out to be the most difficult of the creatures to tame with the competitors taking quite a while to do so.
It seems this week we have a few questions for Elaina! Her replies are forthcoming.
Looking for proper date places. being a goblin I am not romantic, but I do have a liking for a certain goblin gurly. Would it beees okie dokies to takes herz on a visit ob sum ob my favorite peeein stump? Fer a 1st date? – goblin lookin fer lub
Mrs Elaina, I am a resident of the City of Umbra and have fallen for a paladin from the City of Luna. Unfortunately I’ve had some difficulty approaching the object of my desire and I have been told it is because I smell of corpses, amongst other things. What can I do? – Distressed Umbraen Citizen
Elaina how does I make proper pixie pie? – Anonymous
PaxLair Statehood, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – February 19, 2013 – by Ashlynn – The next meeting will be held as follows:
