Dragons Watch, Felucca, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – March 12, 2013 – by Phoenix – As promised Elaina has taken the time to reply to questions posed by vexed citizens of the realm. And here those replies are!
Dear Elaina,
Looking for proper date places. being a goblin I am not romantic, but I do have a liking for a certain goblin gurly. Would it beees okie dokies to takes herz on a visit ob sum ob my favorite peeein stump? Fer a 1st date?
– goblin lookin fer lub,
After tracking down an interpreter, I believe I have found out what all this goblish gook is asking.
I am unaware that vile green creatures had favorite stumps, unless you are talking about artificial appendages. If indeed there are favorite stumps, then I suggest you spend some time investigating and follow this gurly around and locate her favorite peein stumps. It could be you both have that same stump and that is why you are so attracted to her, maybe it’s her scent, because I can not see why anyone else would take a liking to a goblins face. If you have seen one goblin I would think you have seen them all.
By the way you owe me 565,000 gold pieces, the cost of a goblin interpreter!
Dear Elaina,
How does I make proper pixie pie?
– Anonymous
Has the 1st of April beset upon me so quickly? This has got to be someone trying to pull my wig over my eyes.
Everyone in the realm should know by now how to make a proper pixie pie. If you don’t go into the abyss, follow the road to the Silver Sapling, stop and ask a pixie how to make a pie!
Dear Elaina,
I am a resident of the City of Umbra and have fallen for a paladin from the City of Luna. Unfortunately I’ve had some difficulty approaching the object of my desire and I have been told it is because I smell of corpses, amongst other things. What can I do?
– Distressed Umbraen Citizen
Dear Distressed,
Do not worry there is a quick solution to your problem. Send the object of your affection a note by pigeon, having him meet you at the luna stable. Never leave the stable and then keep wrinkling up your nose and say “Do you smell that?” You will have him smelling his own armpits, asking his friends if they smell anything and carrying some of the local ale splashing it on his own clothes.
After a few meetings in the local stable, go to the Papua, there is a reason it is called that the stench rising from the swamps. If you have ever met a Papuain you will understand. This paladin will be sweating so profusely ever time he meets you all the while thinking the stench is from his own body.