Silvervale, Trammel, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – July 29, 2013 – by Ashlynn – Lady Stormy of Action held a story contest in the town of Silvervale this past saturday, though with a twist. Rather than come with prepared stories based on a predetermined topic, contestants would instead be given a bag of items which formed the theme of the story. The challenge was to then make up a tale on the spot!
Everyone was given a bag of identical items which were: an emerald, a gold ingot, a bottle of hair dye, and a fiery fish steak. The stories could be about anything the storyteller wished, but they had to involve those four items in some way.
After all stories had been told it was then the responsibility of Lady Stormy and Ozog to choose the best three:
- 1st Place – Icky Rotblossom
- 2nd Place – Victor Speranza
- 3rd Place – Ivy Covedweller
All stories have been reprinted below for the benefit of those who could not make it (many thanks to Victor for a transcript of the evening’s chatter). I have done a little basic editing to try and make all the stories readable while preserving them as best I can!
Icky’s Story
Mees wuz dyin mees eer hares onez nite when mees heerd sumthin outsides.
Mees wents outsides too sees wat wux makin noise.
Mees trip ober a bunch ub ingots sumbody left onz da steps.
Den mees seed sumthin shiny en green in da distance on da water.
Mees went inz da water too git da shiny green ting.
Mees grabbed fer da green ting.
Itz wuz precious stone or sumthin.
Butz before mees kin grab itz a grate big fire reds fishy jumped ups en took da shiny green ting.Mees cried.
De end.
Nanoc’s Story
When I was little living on Ocllo Island, running around slaying all the sewer rats, my mother the Seamstress come to me and said “son, its time for your first bath.”
“But but Mom I’m only seven.”
She took me to the hearth and had a fire fish steak and a gold ingot. She boiled the fire fish steak and added the gold ingot mixing it till it was gooey.
She grabbed my by the heel and dipped my head into the batter. She then gave me a emerald gem and sent me off to the armorer to buy my first set of weapons.
And that is why my hair is golden.
The End
Victor’s Story – The Tonic of Youth
A long time ago there was lonely castle located on the coast of a very cold island. The owner of this humble abode had spent their whole life scraping together gold and putting hiring the right architects together in order to fulfill his life long dream.
However, the downside to accomplishing this wonderful goal was it took, literally, a life time to accomplish! How can one possibly go on living with in such comfort when they are too old to enjoy it!? The only solution, other than necromancy because that is just wrong, was to find the Tonic of Youth! This way our old hero can become young again and continue to enjoy his castle.
Now the Tonic of Youth is guarded by two magical creatures. One is really long and has 1000s of feet to support it’s great length. The other is really tiny but with gnashing teeth that will rip and chew through anything! But our hero, is just an old man, how could he ever get past such diabolical creatures and reach the Tonic of Youth!
Well living such a long life has it’s benefits. Our hero was equipped with a bag of promises and could reach in and grab out the one thing needed to solve any dilemma. The unfortunate part about the bag was it took a lot of cunning to figure out how to use the item the bag provided.
Well our hero reached deep into the bag and pulled out a perfectly round emerald that fit in the palm of his hand. Should he pay off the guards!?
No! He threw the emerald on the ground and it rolled across the floor right under the long guard with 1000 feet. The guard proceeded to step on the marble and it got stuck between the toes on one foot! Now the guard has sooooo many feet that his brain can’t tell which one has a marble stuck in it so it spent the next three months picking his toes trying to find it!
So now our hero had to face the next guard, and he reached into his bag and pulled out…. a fire fish steak! A HUGE fire fish steak in fact, and it was shaped like a plate mail chest….
So without questioning the bag’s judgement our hero put on the fire fish steak tunic and walked past the next guard.
Did I mention the bag had a sense of humor? The guard with 1000 teeth LOVES FISH! So it ran over and started eating our hero right up! Luckily fire fish steak is really HOT and it melted the guard’s teeth!
Well with the guard’s dealt with our hero approached the Tonic of Youth. Right before picking up his prize our hero noticed that the bag of promises got really heavy. In fact a huge gold brick appeared in it!
So our hero pulled it out and threw it at the Tonic of Youth knocking it off the pedestal and narrowly avoided the huge spike trap that would surely have killed him.
Now with the Tonic of Youth in hand our hero rushed home, ran upstairs to his room and proceeded to drink the entire Tonic!
Well folks…. It was not a Tonic of Youth… It was only Hair Dye, and our Hero was buried with rainbow color hair all over his body for drinking so much of it!
Ashlynn’s Story
We begin with Lady Eleanor, she was a noblewoman born of Britain, but due to intrigues, found she had to move swiftly.
Travelling to Nujelm she purchased a residence there through her dealings in the emerald trade. For the Nujelm folks, though you think they’d prefer gold, they actually prefer the colour of poison – both the lethal and valuable kind.
Alone in the world and running short of funds, lacking access to the emerald mines of the mainland, Eleanor sought other profit and eventually made a deal with one Lady Winmere of somewhere or other for a shipment of fine fish steaks. Fiery spicy fish steaks like no one had ever heard of! Yet word had spread quickly of the shipment of fine foody merchandise.
Now remember this is long ago when pirates and bandites operated out of Vesper regularly for Vesper was pretty much Little Buccaneers Den.
A den of VICE.
A den of INIQUITY.
They traded zoogi brew in Vesper – the infamous drink that sent men and women into a comatose state for hours on end. They brewed nightshade wine, which was a wicked drink, now long banned. And Vesper traded in STOLEN goods, pillaged materials. If you were a bandit or pirate, Vesper was always your second port of call.
Eleanor knew this and she knew her goods would need to sail nearby but her goods were bound for Trinsic and she needed a plan.
It turned out there was also an infamous pirate who pillaged out of vesper – a pirate by the name of Captain Ivy Bloodhand…
Oh wait… scratch that – I mean Captain Holly Bloodhand.
She was a vicious pirate, pretended to rob from the rich on behalf of poor fisherfolk. In truth she robbed anything that pitched a sail.
Well, Holly had a vibrant head of bright purple said to be rare dye purchased from a far away city where the people wore slender blades and spoke in an odd fashion: konichiwa for a greeting, arigato for thankyou, and all that. And Holly’s ship was a widely known Vesperian ship design – slender and quick with a single bank of oars and twin lateen sails!
Lady Winmere promised to pay well so Eleanor concocted a plan. She had an agent in the worst taverns listening for what Captain Holly was up to and then news came. A shipment of gold out of Minoc – Captain Holly had her sights on it – a heavily laden vessel called the Victorious. So Eleanor made her move.
She’d already acquired a vessel similar to that Captain Holly sailed in. She dressed herself in the same scarlet coat and midnight tricorne hat, a slender rapier at her side with an emerald gem at the hilt just like that of Captain Holly’s. Holly called her sword “willbreaker” for it had broken the will of so many indignant captains. Eleanor, dressed just like the infamous pirate, loaded her cargo and set sail.
Several days into the journey she was soon met by pirates out of Vesper – pirates acting under the orders of Captain Holly. Eleanor made no attempt to run, she simply waited for them to come close and as they did she raised the flag of Captain Holly, a sword piercing an executioners cap in white on a red banner, and she stood upon the deck of her ship for all to see. Those pirates quickly turned tail and she made the rest of the way to Trinsic unmolested.
When the real Captain Holly heard of this she was furious but money had been exchanged and Eleanor was once again a rich woman. The two would meet face to face, but that is another story….
Slaymaster’s Story
There once was a guy who was a blacksmith. He was walking down the road and found a golden ingot so he took it home and crafted a dagger with it. He then embeds an emerald into the handle of the dagger. He uses the dagger to cut his dinner which was fiery fish steak. With the fire fish steak he drank corn whiskey for dinner.
After dinner he went to the bathroom and used hair dye to change the color of his hair and then went to the bar and picked up some ladies that were three foot tall and had a party.
The End
Metatron’s Story
The story of a fisherman and his wife.
Poor couple living off the land, both loving the country and living off the land, no city life for them. One morning the man awakens to hear his wife crying.
“Wife” the man asks, “why do you cry?”
She looks at her husband and says “the year’s haven’t been kind me my husband.”
The man looks at his wife and starts to speak but then stops. He kisses her on the head and says “my wife I’ll be back tonight to cheer you up. I need to go get a few things from the forest.”
The man grabs his fishing pole. Through the forest he meets his friend, a miner by trade and tells his friend about his sad wife.
The old miner nods, “ohh gold holds a shine of beauty, take this golden ore with this gem I have.”
“Aye” says the fisherman, “thanks old miner, off too fishing I go.”
Stopping at the fishing hole for a couple of hours along came by a stranger seeking something too eat. The stranger asks “excuse me sir, could I trade something of mine for a fish.I am very hungry.”
The fisherman says “no need too trade, please have this fish with my blessing.”
While the stranger sits, the fisherman tells the stranger about the trouble his wife is having. The stranger looks and says “really.”
The stranger stands up and says “Sir, thank you for your kindness and please accept this bottle.”
The fisherman asks “What’s in the bottle?”
The stranger looks back, “Give it too ur wife and tell her too wash her hair with the liquid in the bottle” The fisherman shrugs, “okay, thank you. Safe travels.”
The fisherman heads on home stopping by too see his miner friend, hands his freind some fish and says “Goodnight, thank you.” The fisherman gets home tells his wife about the day he had. He hands her a golden ring with a beauty of a gem and tells her about the stranger with the bottle.
Being very happy with the golden gem of a ring the fisherman says “Wash up I’ll cook supper.”
Four hours later the wife runs inside the shack, “Look my husband, my hair is no longer gray!”
The End
Ivy’s Story
This story is inspired by my friend Riyana. She’s a bit of a scoundrel, so this story is not that far-fetched…
When an opportunity presented itself, Riyana was not one to pass it up. When she overheard the owners Britain’s jewelry shop discussing their upcoming vacation plans, she immediately put into action a plan of her own.
She bided her time and just before they were about to close, she snuck in as the last customer and hid in wait, holding only a “fish fire steak”, an item she’d been saving for just the right occasion.
The owners left, and Riyana was alone. She came out of hiding and began looking around. The strong box, she found, was locked tight, and her best efforts were not enough to pick the lock. She instead began rummaging through the display cases.
She’d managed to wrangle all of one gold bar and a single emerald out of one when she heard the door begin to open.
The owners had returned!
She found herself face to face with them, and they stared at each other in surprise for a moment.
“Guards! Thief!” they cried.
Propelled by a sudden rush of adrenaline and inspiration, Riyana shoved past them. She grabbed the fish fire steak and hurled it at them… and nothing happened.
“Fish fire! Where is my fish fire?!” she demanded.
Even as she ran away, she watched the owners pick up the steak.
“Fire fish, you fool!” one of them shouted at her.
“Damn,” she muttered. Finally out of their sight, she was able to blend into the shadows once more.
She went to the nearest provisioner straight away and purchased some hair dye… hopefully the jewelry shop owners wouldn’t recognize her the next time she went in.
Then she went to the mage shop. Arson would only cover her tracks if it worked.
The end… for now
Scarlett’s Story
Long ago in a land far away there was a girl by the name of Fawn. She was taught the skill of Archery.
Along the way she decided to hunt in a forest. A little goblin was crying.
Fawn ran to the little goblin, “why sad, little goblin?” she asked.
He said “dems took my emeralds.”
She asked “who?”
He said “a thief.” She said “I shall go after them!”
She whistled for her horse, Minni. Minni flew to the grounds of the forest. She handed her horse a firery fish steak. The horse became hyper and she got onto the horse and flew after the thief.
When she found the thief he was wearing a hat with ribbons. She shot an arrow right through the hat. The thief screamed.
She said “Give me the bag and you will be OK.”
He said “never!”
She shot an arrow at his hand and he screamed in agony. He dropped the bag with the stolen goods. She found in the bag emeralds, hair dye, and a golden ingot.
She went back to her horse. When the horse came in contact with the ingot she became a human. The horse who turned into a girl screamed for joy and hugged fawn. She said that she had been trapped in a horse body for years and thanked her.
Fawn handed the girl the hair dye. She said you can use it to make your hair a special color She said thank you and went on her way.
Fawn walked back and started to call for the little goblin, he ran to her happy as could be and dragged her all the way to the goblin king to tell of her good deeds. The goblin granted her acsess to anywhere she wanted.
The End